The Wren’s Nest

[Editor's note] - This is apt to be a very long and rambling post as I have not actually set any of this stuff down in ‘print form’ before but am just extemporizing….

I’ve never considered myself very religious - although I was brought up in a household wherein Mom took us to Lutheran services most Sundays. I read and learned the Bible. I (somewhat) remember and try to obey the Ten Commandments. The “Golden Rule” (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.) is still the biggie I guess. If you can do that you’re hitting most cylinders.

During my 30’s I never gave a second-thought to church services. I haven’t attended church since I was a teenager unless it was to a wedding, a christening, a funeral.

As I get older I question myself - do I have a spiritual side? My father had a great disdain for Catholics (”Brought Spain to a guitar and Ireland to poverty” he’d say). Like a lot of Westerners I explored Buddhism - His Holiness the Dalai Lama always appeared to be such a jovial elfin-kind-of-guy it looked like a good religion to embrace.

On my desk is a leather-bound copy of “The Confessions of Saint Augustine” which I ‘borrowed’ from my father’s library and never returned. And in the spirit of confessing - I’ve never read it either. I’m a little scared. I’m working-up the courage to tackle it.

Winston Churchill told the story of how his physicians recommended “exercise” for him during the war as he was constantly behind a desk as Prime Minister. “EXERCISE!” he exclaimed! “I get all the exercise I need by being paulbearer to my friends!”

I’m beginning to feel a little bit like him. In my twenties and thirties I flew to the weddings of my friends. Now I increasingly fly to funerals. It gives one thought.

And speaking of thought, this brings me to my next little sojourn. I was idly flipping channels last night when I came across Charlie Rose on PBS and he announced he would be interviewing Dr. Stephen Hawking. This is sorta like saying that he would be reuniting, interviewing, and having a command-performance of The Beatles! This was a big thing!

Firstly Mr. Rose prepped the audience by interviewing notable physicists on the thorny issues of quantum physics and string theory before giving us the prize of an interview with Dr. Hawking. Partly this was one of necessity as most everyone knows, Stephen Hawking suffers from ALS or “Lou Gehrig’s” disease and can only communicate using barely perceptible finger movements and a speech-articulation machine. The process is laborious and time-consuming thus necessitating the need on a 60-minute programme for pre-submitted questions.

Years and years and years and years ago my father bought for me a lifetime subscription to Scientific American. When I was a kid I couldn’t wait for the next copy to hit our doorstep. Now, I barely read it. It arrives on my doorstep unfailingly each month and I toss it in the bathroom where I’ll peruse it on occasion and that’s about all I know about string theory and 11 dimensions and quantum physics with muons, charm, and love particles.

I ripped the sleeve off my favorite shirt today. The picture tube in my TV burned out, my garbage disposal died, I have a bad case of athlete’s foot and I have a strong suspicion that my refrigerator is going Democrat. Been a helluva day today….

Like every other red-blooded American male of my generation I saw “Top Gun“. Saw it with my dad at the local cinema - you could almost smell the diesel on the flight-deck and the noise was deafening as those fighters launched. But unlike most kids I never wanted to drive an F16 - I figured any fighter puke could fly one of those. No, what I wanted was to fly the C141-”Starlifter”. This is the biggest, baddest airplane in service by the Air Force today. Its been compared to flying a house while sitting on the commode. I used to watch these things fill the sky in Colorado Springs as they would practice maneuvers with the Air Force Academy. Dropping tanks by parachute was a particular favorite of mine. I’d pull over to the side of the road the better to watch these “BUFFs”.

Now that’s what I call a badass aircraft!

I was chatting with one of my mates in Australia this early morning and as conversations often do, it devolved into talk about cats and then about catnip. My friend Robert had never heard of catnip. “What!?” I asked. “No catnip in Australia?”. It seems not. So I am putting together a care package to send to the cats in Sydney Australia, or at least in Robert’s neighborhood. I don’t *think* I’m violating international Customs laws by sending *dead* plant material in the form of catnip.  I will keep you posted!

[Originally written in 2000 when my nephew was 14 years old]

For some time, I have been meaning to write a story about “The Art of Shining Shoes”. Not the most exciting of titles I’m sure, but an intriguing one nonetheless. I must confess to actually enjoying shining my shoes. It is cathartic for me and a way to relive events on good days, and reduce stress on bad ones. There is something to be said for lining up a row of shoes, enjoy some favorite music or radio programme and do something with your hands. In our all too digital/electronic age, putting a little muscle grease into something brings me satisfaction.

I have an ulterior motive for writing this; years ago I started writing a series of essays for my young nephew which I subconsciously entitled “How to be a Man“. For his sake, when I ultimately give them to him, I’ll probably call it something like “How to do things Right!“. His father, my brother, was killed many years ago and I want to give him something that will help him learn to do things correctly, without necessarily embarrassing him….my hope is in that in pages like these, he can learn, and call me when he has issues or questions.

So, here then is my first stab at telling a young man how to properly take care of his shoes:

How to Shine Shoes

by J. Wren Hunt
1. Depending on the level of dirt, grime, etc., there are 2 potential paths here. For ‘normal’, just everyday buildup, please skip to step 7.
2. Okay, if your shoes look like you’ve been on a forced march from Manhattan to the Bronx in snow-coated salt & chloride mixtures then there are a few things you need to know:
3. If your shoes are damp/wet/soaked when you come home, don’t wear them again the next day. Invest in a new pair and let your others dry. It will extend their life immensely.
4. Properly caring for leather shoes is a slow process. Do not try to rush it. Never place them in front of a heater, use a hair-dryer on them, etc., Let them dry of their own accord.
5. Once dry, lather them gently with Saddle Soap, using a toothbrush to get into the crevices. (Hint: Old girlfriend’s toothbrushes are good here. Come to think of it, current girlfriend’s toothbrushes are good here depending on your relationship with same!)
6. Rinse. Dry with a soft cloth and let stand overnight to dry.
7. Using a fine cloth, lightly wipe all dust and particulate matter off. (Note: Ex or current girlfriend’s camisoles work well for this)
8. Now, begin rubbing fine shoe wax into the leather. The Kiwi brand is probably the best known and most widely available. Buy small tins for “off-color” shoes but invest in larger tins for colours like black & brown, which will cover most of your needs. Use an old T-shirt to rub the wax in generously over the leather’s surface. Don’t worry if there are clumps; we’ll get to that later.
9. From here there are two schools of thought: 1) You may immediately begin buffing and shining your shoes, or 2) Let the shoe’s leather absorb the wax overnight and shine them in the morning. I prefer the latter. Remember: proper caring of shoes is not something to be rushed. Yes, any fool can have their shoes shined at the airport in 5 minutes, and yes this is something that is often necessary once in awhile, but as a rule, the longer the better.
10. With a stiff brush, brush vigorously over the entire surface, removing excess wax. It helps here to have many brushes, each labeled with a different color (e.g., don’t use your ‘black’ brush on ‘brown’ shoes lest it smudge)
11. So here is the secret to highly buffed, polished shoes: with the wax still on, looking quite dull, dabble a few drops of water over the surface, or better yet, use a small atomizer or plant mister to lightly coat the surface.
12. Now for the Raison d’ Etre - I recommend cranking up Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. Every now and then it’s good for the soul to sing in German and when your blood is moving and your pulse is throbbing, start buffing the hell out of those shoes! Go over every nook, every cranny! Buff until you can see your reflection! You’ll feel better and will have had the added benefit of listening to some really great music!
13. When you are done, don’t forget the insides of the shoes. Invest in some nice quality talcum powder and apply liberally throughout.
14. Don’t forget shoetrees!
15. After all that hard, but enjoyable work, encase your shoes in shoe cloths. You’ll be glad you did when next you need to put them on!

This is simply a wonderful, delightful movie. I’ve watched it twice now and both times fallen in love with it. Definitely a 5 out of 5 on the Wren Scale. Watch it. You’ll be glad you did.